Carla's Kingdom - Advice & Help Page on : How to Cope with School Bullies.

Advice & Help Page on:

How to Cope With School Bullies.

How Parents Can Help :

1.	Look for signs. Many children will not complain about being bullied at school, but rather will express a desire, often sudden, to avoid certain school activities such as riding the bus, or even to avoid school altogether. This can take the form of psychosomatic illness or dropping out of previously favoured activities.
2.	Take your child's concerns about bullying seriously. Especially in the wake of recent events, the need to prevent school violence must be paramount.
3.	Assess the severity of the situation. If your child has been physically harmed or threatened with physical harm, notify the school immediately and insist that it take immediate action to protect your child from violence.
4.	Work with your child to brainstorm ways to deal with a less severe bullying situation directly, and help him make a plan. The more you can empower your children to manage their own affairs, the greater their self-esteem will become.
5.	Explain the dynamics of bullying to your child. Help him understand that bullying comes from the bully's low self-esteem; that is, a bully can only feel big by making others feel small.
6.	Bolster your child's confidence. Despite their behavior, bullies are basically cowards, and gravitate toward easy marks. Encourage your child not to react to a bully's taunts, enroll him in a martial arts class, or otherwise make your child a less attractive target.
7.	Keep a close eye on the situation. If things don't improve, or if your child begins to express concerns about his personal safety, don't hesitate to contact the school and get a resolution to the problem.

What Can You do as a Child if you are being Bullied :

Never be afraid to tell your teacher, even if you are threatened with more violence from the bullies, if you don't tell your teacher about the bullies, they will continue to have the power that they have over you and will only continue to bully you and others.
Never be afraid to tell your parents about bullies and being bullied, so that they can help to bring this to an end.
If you do now get support from telling parents or your teacher tell the head of the school.
If you get no help from your teacher, your parents, the head of the school then report the matter to the local education authority, or department, their telephone number is in the phone book.
Even if you are afraid of the people who are bullying you, try not to show that you are afraid, because when people see that you are afraid, they will only bully you more. This is hard to achieve, but you can do it if you try, at least until you can get help from somewhere.
Ask your parents if they will allow you to take lessons in Martial Arts and Self Defense, so that you will be able to defend yourself and to boost your self-esteem and confidence in yourself.
Learn to walk away from bullies, do not say anything to them to provoke them further and just walk away, go straight to a teacher or a friend who will support you. If you are seen to ignore the bullies they will soon tire of bullying you, not necessarily instantly, but certainly in time.
"The greatest form of defense is surprise" .......always remember this.........what this means is that if you react to the bullies in a way that surprises them, this will form your defense. For example, just walking away and saying nothing to them, this will surprise them and it will spoil their fun, because bullies thrive on their victims reactions. If you say anything back to them, or hit back at them, they are then justified in their bullying of you in the eyes of other people, but if you do nothing back and say nothing back, this does not justify their bullying of you and it also surprises them. Never react to a bully in the way that they expect you to react, doing this is your safest and best defense.
Bullies are in fact people who are in many ways, jealous of those that they bully. Bullies are people who either feel in some way inadequate or are inadequate by comparison to others. Perhaps they envy that you are more clever that you are, or that you have something that you do not, or perhaps they feel that you are more attractive than they are. They also target placid people who do not thrive on bullying others.
Bullying is a downward spiral, those who bully do so because they think that they cannot aspire to achieving either what they think those they bully already have, or could do, or to what they deep down want to themselves. They bully others to draw attention to themselves. In many ways bullying is a cry for help, it is a bullies subconscious need for people to know why they feel so unfulfilled and why they feel they have cause to envy others. Bullies desperately want help to aspire to the level of others. They also fear being bullied themselves, and so they hide behind their own bullying, hiding from their own fears and shortcomings, which they fear that if revealed will lay them open to the bullying of others. In effect, Bullying is a mask that Bullies wear to hide from others and themselves.
It takes a lot of courage to report a bully, but if you do so, then you will be helping your seniors to help that bully to get the help that they need so badly. So you must never think that you are getting a bully into trouble, you are helping that bully to get the help that they need. You are drawing attention to the bullies cry for help, and in the long term this will help that person.
It is easy to dislike or even hate a bully for hurting you, but this doing so, does not help matters, a bully needs to be pitied, and feel sorry for. If you pity someone who bullies you, it will help you to do the right thing, and get that bully some help, via reporting their bullying to those who can help them. If you are not a bully it is because you are happy with your life and who you are, and because you know that if you continue to do well at school, that your future will be a happy and fulfilling one, whereas a bully is often a person who is very unhappy with their life and what they feel that they will face ahead. A bully is a sad person who sometimes is unable to know how to change things for themselves and to ask for the help they need. They do not know how to change their life in a way that will make it more fulfilling.
Another thing to consider is that a bully is often from a family or background where violence is condoned, or inflicted, either upon the bully or upon those raising them, who themselves use violence to make a stance or to make their needs known to others. They may be abused children, who are (unjustifiably) taking out their anger and frustration on those placid and non-violent people at school or around them. They often think it is clever to bully others, but it isn't clever, as everyone should know ! It is easier to pity someone from such a background, as opposed to hating them for the fact that they have bullied you.
Try to have a discrete word with your teacher, the head of your school, the local education department or if you live in the United Kingdom, with the NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) to see if you can get help for the bully. You do not have to give your name or reveal your identity, you can write a letter to your teacher or the head of the school without signing it with your name, if you fear reprisals; however, you would be better to reveal your identity in order to prove that the bullying has taken place. If in doing so the bully manages to convince the Teachers, or the head of the school that you started the trouble, then you need to write an anonymous letter to the head of the school, the teacher or the local education department/authority. Or phone the NSPCC and tell them that you have been bullied and that the bully needs help.
The NSPCC free phone is : 0800 800 500. You do NOT have to give your name, you need only give the name of the Bully and the name of the school the bully attends.
Childline is another organization you can phone for the same reason and their number is : 0800 1111.
The above numbers apply wherever you live in the UK and it will cost you nothing to phone them, they are free phone numbers. You must not misuse these lines, by reporting people who have NOT bullied you or who are not hurting anyone, as wasting the time of these vital services, will seriously jeopardize their continued existence, putting other children in genuine emergencies and abuse situations at serious risk. The NSPCC and Childline are both Charities and they often struggle to stay open and operational.
Bullying needs to be exposed, unexposed, through the fear of victims, of reprisals, will only escalate the problem.
Time is something that should never be squandered. If you are the victim of a bully, a bully who needs help and in bullying you is in effect crying out for help, then time is important, the quicker you report the bullying the quicker you end your won misery, but the quicker you get help for the bully. Whilst a bully is wasting time bullying others, they are squandering valuable time, that could best be spent studying to better themselves and getting help in doing so, whilst they are of school age.
Never allow the fact that you have been bullied, to make YOU feel inadequate or lacking in some way. You are more than likely being bullied by someone who envies you, for what you are, who you are, what you have and what you can and have, so far, achieved. The fact that you are NOT a bully, means that you are more intelligent than the person who has bullied you. It is cleverer NOT to bully, than TO bully and you must NEVER forget that fact.
Do your best to keep well away from the bullies, stand by playground or teaching staff if you see a bully approaching you, or walk calmly and slowly away from bullies who are approaching you. If you run away, bullies will know that you are afraid of them and this will provoke their attack upon you.
Do NOT give bullies any eye contact. Eye contact is also provocative to bullies. It is contact that in effect provides that green traffic light signal that says "Go" !!!
Bullying IS a sign of weakness, and so it IS the people who DON'T bully who are the strong ones = FACT !
Bullies will always pay for their wrongs, and they must be pitied for that eventuality.
Bullies in bullying you, are giving you the attention that they desperately want for themselves. This is sad isn't it?
Jesus was persecuted for who he was and what he was and for the good he did others, most Christian people suffer for being good people, but this is NOT because God doesn't love you, it is because just as Jesus was persecuted for his faith and goodness so you too will have a cross to carry, but the fact that you have the strength to carry this cross, means you are growing spiritually and in strength, making you more empathic and compassionate people than those who bully you, who need help and you can get them this help by speaking up about their bullying you, and this getting help for them too. Learn to love everyone, bullies included, and you will always have God's support, and strength. Gods love is unconditional and therefore it is thee most valuable thing you can have. Unconditional love from God and from others is more valuable than anything material or in money terms. If you have the gift of unconditional love you have the earth in the palms of your hands and your heart is full of love and warmth.

It is not the bully who is the strong and tough one, it is the victim for their endurance, so do not give in, do not let people drive you to doing foolish things, no matter how desperate you are.
There is always someone out there to help you, you must find someone who is sympathetic to you. Never think you are completely alone in all of this.

Facts About Bullies - A Word to Bullies :

Bullying cannot and should NOT be condoned.
Bullying is NOT a good thing to bully others.
Bullying is NOT clever to bully others.
Bullying is NOT justified in any instance.
Even if a bully is a person from a depraved background, or a violent home, or that they are inadequate, or a low achiever at school, or from a poor background, their bullying is NOT justified.
Bullying is an evil thing to do.
Bullying is a moronic, foolish and stupid act of mindless violence and hatred. It will look bad on a persons records, will if it continued lead the bully to a prison sentence and a criminal lifestyle, which could eventually cost that person their life, hurting many people and devastating their family.
Bullying is an unintelligent thing to engage in. Bullying
Bullies on bullying others only show others how inadequate and depraved they are.
Bullies need help and should get help before they ruin the rest of their lives and that of others.
Bullies are sad individuals who are crying out for help.
Bullies in bullying others only serve to public ally humiliate themselves, by being taken to task in front of those they bully at school and exposed as the abusive and stupid people that they are. So do you want to be public ally humiliated? Do you want to be made to look a fool in front of those you bully ?
If you spend your time earning your expulsion from school and you have to go to a special school, you will look an even more inadequate than those you imagine to be so, whom you bully. You will eventually go on to a life of crime which will see you being exposed in the newspapers as a criminal, and, as you are public ally reported as being sentenced in court for the crimes you go onto commit, you will only serve to humiliate yourself further in front of those you once bullied at school.
Bullying is a criminal act against others, it is a downward spiral that you sadly will feel the need to continue or face losing the momentum. It is something that you can often feel that if you suddenly stop resorting to that you will risk being viewed as weak, and thus lining yourself up for bullying yourself. So why get into that downward spiral in the first instance. People who do not bully others, or fight back at bullies are NOT weak. Those who DON'T bully are the strongest. Bullying is in fact, a sign of weakness.
Because Bullying is not only a criminal offence, and a travesty against another person, it, like other crimes has a penalty and will eventually lead to a punishment. The age old saying "What goes around comes around" stems from the theories of "Karma". Karma is about the path you beat out ahead, for yourself, based upon what you are here to learn from past mistakes and lessons. If you inflict pain and misery upon others, you have to be prepared to have the same inflicted upon you, in return, and Karma dictates that for every miserable and unhappy day you inflict upon others, you will earn yourself not one miserable and unhappy day in return, but 10 miserable and unhappy days in return. In Karmic terms, evil deeds MUST be paid for tenfold. So that, for every miserable and unhappy day you inflict upon one other person, you earn yourself 10 miserable and unhappy days in return, and not only that, they will be 10 times more miserable and unhappy than that miserable and unhappy day you inflicted upon others. You have to ask yourself is this what you want ? Are you happy to inflict this karmic debt upon yourself, for the sake of those you bully? If you do so, are you not coming off worse than the person you have bullied ........of course you are ! That is very silly right? So do you want a miserable and unhappy future? If you go to prison as a result of staying on that downward spiral you are on, as a bully more than often is, then one day you will find yourself in prison and when you are alone in the prison cell, with the lights out early, and you are locked away from the world and the pleasures that you can have as a free person, those you have bullied, and whom you got that perverse kick from bullying, are out there enjoying their freedom, and living their life and achieving well, and making something from their lives, and so who then has the last laugh............you or those you bullied ...............you know that it is not you, and this fact if you think about this, only serves to humiliate you more and so your Karmic debt is having to be paid.
No matter how you feel towards others, or what they do to make you feel cheated and at a loss, inadequate or envious of, it is NOT your place to dish out punishment. You have no right to inflict pain on others, and you have no right to punish others for your own misfortune and failings. It is NOT the fault of others that you are lacking or going without. If you are being hurt outside of school, at home or from any other source, in any way whatsoever, you must do something about his, and must NEVER be afraid to ask for help. It is not right to take out your frustrations on other people, and those who are hurting you to the point where you want to hurt others, need help just as you do, as two wrongs do NOT make a right. You cannot grow up and mature until you learn this lesson.
It will take courage to stop bullying but it will earn you more respect than if you continue. Don't you want to be liked ? If you don't then you are in need of professional help and you should seek this.
It is immature and childish to bully others.
It is cowardly and weak to bully others.
It is evil and criminal to bully others.
It is an offence against humanity to bully others.
It is not BIG to bully others. It IS SMALL to bully others.
It is unintelligent to bully others.
People dislike bullies and it isn't a GOOD thing to be disliked, it is childish and immature to think that it is BIG or GOOD to be disliked.
People do NOT respect Bullies. Bullies only command disrespect. Making people fear you and do what you want them to, is not forcing them to respect you it is forcing them to disrespect and pity you.
It is not Christian to bully others.
Revenge earns huge Karmic Debts, which ALL have to be paid for in time.
Karmic debt has to be paid for and this may not be straight away, it might be years ahead, but sooner or later be sure you WILL pay for the wrongs and harm you do to others.

Inspiration for those who have been Bullied :

Do you think you are alone as a victim of bullying ?

Do you ask yourself ...."Why Me".........."Why am I getting bullied" ?

I was bullied at school and now my daughter is being bullied at school, my daughter is Carla, whose website this is.

Carla sustained the most horrific head injuries as a result of school bullying when she was just 7 years old, and had to be rushed to hospital. The school left Carla for an hour and a half, alone, in the staff room of the school, with a wet paper towel on her head. The school imagined, foolishly, that the huge swelling would decrease in that traumatic hour, but it didn't.

Carla was bullied because "She didn't have a Dad", this was a daily occurrence following Carla's father leaving home to go and make a new life with a wealthy older woman. The bullies, all had both a father and a mother. They punished Carla for NOT having a father, which was NOT Carla's fault, and so added insult to injury.

When I went to the school I did not recognize my daughter Carla, her face was so badly bruised and contused that she was beyond recognition to me, her mother.

I took Carla to hospital where we had to wait 6 dreadful hours to be seen, and to add even more insult to injury, we were told by the hospital staff that had we got there an hour earlier, we would have been seen straight away. The school had failed us again.

Carla was off school for two weeks following the attack and during that time, Carla started to have epileptic absences and attacks. A nasty child riding a pushbike at speed along a pavement (Sidewalk), carrying a passenger, mowed Carla down and left her shaking and trembling with shock on the ground, I was horrified when I found Carla in that state, only a week after she had been so severely bullied and sustained head injuries.

Another child stabbed Carla in her forehead at school, with a pair of scissors, because she didn't have a Father. The school failed to discover this until after the event, in the school playground. The culprit cut Carla's hair to the roots, making a mess of Carla's hair and leaving a stab mark in her forehead where she was stabbed with the scissors.

Another bully told Carla that her father had died on his way back to his hometown 116 miles away, and that they should bury him in the school garden. When I went to pick up Carla from school she was distraught and covered in dirt, and a member of staff told me that she was sorry to hear that Carla's father had been killed in a car crash. I was so distraught that I had a heart attack, almost costing Carla her mother as well as her father and Carla was so traumatized that she had nightmares for months on end and adding to this, her school work suffered greatly.

At school I was also bullied, kicked, punched, threatened, stabbed, battered, bruised, terrorized, and teased for being an adopted child and "Not having real parents". My life at school was so traumatic that I left school before taking my exams, and took up a place at college. Since then I had to leave home at 16 years of age and work in menial and tiring jobs to earn the money to pay for my education, this has taken its toll on my health.

So Carla and I know what it is like to be bullied and we have had to be very strong and enduring to cope, but we know that it is us who are the strong ones, NOT those who bullied us. It has been hard, but we have come through this and with our faith and strength in tact.

Carla continues to be bullied at school, but has the strength to speak up and tell people about it.

Carla is never afraid to come home and tell me that she has been bullied at school, and you should never fear telling your family if you have been bullied, and if you feel you cannot talk to anyone at home for any reason, then seek a sympathetic ear elsewhere. There will always be someone there to seek out and turn to for help.

Never give in or give up and always speak up and think about what this page has said to you, this page has been written by people who have experienced bullying and who understand how that feels. We know what you are going through. We sympathize with you. We empathize with you.

Freedom from bullies comes from exposing them and not giving in to them all the time. Freedom comes from not letting bullies continually intimidate and threaten you. If they threaten to tell people something secret about you, ask yourself, which is worse, facing the exposure of that secret or being bullies on a daily basis and having a miserable life for months on end ? You can get over a secret coming out, even if it is a terrible secret that you could not bear to be known about you, but you cannot get over months and years of abuse that if you suffer will only damage your relationships with partners when you get older and jeopardize your marriage and your other adult relationships. Why let the bullies win? Bullies do not deserve that power and hold over you or to win, so do something now before your future relationships are damaged before they even start, and the wounds of continuous bullying become so deep that they will never heal. The longer that your suffering at the hands of bullies goes on the worse it will be for everyone.

I bought a poster form my bedroom wall once, and it depicted a rock The rock was split open into two halves and out of the middle was growing a beautiful healthy, tall plant, and the slogan on the poster read :

"God's Love can break the hardest heart so that faith can grow"

Those words have inspired and supported me ever since. So remember them and they will I am sure, comfort you as they did me.

Further Help & Support :

If you feel that you have nowhere or no-one to turn to, then why not email us...........we are here for you and what you say to us will be in confidence. You CAN trust us and at least we will understand you.

"A problem shared is a problem halved".

Sharing problems helps to resolve them.

Would you like to share with us how you feel as either the victim of a bully or as a person who is bullying and is wondering how to stop bullying ? If so then you can either email Carla who is 10 years old and knows how it feels to be bullied and will empathize with you or email me who is Carla's mother and who as a child was also bullied and also understands you.

.....Email Carla on :